Break Of Dawn
by Tachyon II
Summary: It is the first night on Earth for Voyager crew. After a long day filled with festivities Kathryn is on her way to her hotel room. But instead of getting there alone, she gets company.


Kathryn Janeway walked down a long hallway in Hotel San Francisco Imperial. It was quiet during the small hours; majority of the people on the higher floors had already fallen asleep hours ago. Kathryn was tired too, almost unable to keep her eyes open for another minute, but she had not found her room yet. Her feet were begging for mercy on every step she took, so she walked slowly, passing doors with numbers unlike the one she was searching. She was too tired to become frustrated, even if she wasn't exactly sure, if she was even on the right floor. But she assumed that she was, because she was simply too exhausted to turn around and get into the elevator again. All she needed was to lie down and close her eyes. She couldn't ask for more than that.

The passing day had been long, but full of happiness and joy. After two hectic days on orbit organizing their homecoming and welcoming Starfleet's researchers alongside wide range of admirals and security officers, Voyager had finally gotten permission to land. And once they had touched the ground in San Francisco and disembarked, the most amazing show on Earth had began.

The day had been full to say the least. One ceremony after another had taken place with a parade on the streets of San Francisco where thousands and thousands of people had welcomed them back home. It had been such an event; more grandiose she had ever even known to anticipate. The senior staff had also faced the media while the rest of the crew had already started more casual festivities. Many family members of the crew were present so countless of tears of happiness had been shed during the night. And as a captain she had shaken more hands than she could count, hearing more praises she could remember, and put her best front to everyone present.

Kathryn's family, however, had not been present tonight. She wanted to see her love ones in private without the flashing lights blinding her or cameras recording every nanosecond of the occasion. She did not want her family reunion to become the headline of the week and luckily her mother and sister had agreed once realizing just how big of event their return from Delta Quadrant actually was. So after few hours of sleep she would go home, to Indiana.

Kathryn sighed. As touching the day had been, she was glad it was finally over.

"Kathryn?" she heard then. She turned around and saw Chakotay walking behind her. She had not heard him coming; checkered wall-to-wall carpet had deadened the voice of his steps. But she was glad to see him. They had not had any private time during the day so she was pleased to see him now, even though she needed sleep more than anything else.

"Chakotay", she said with a faint smile when he was only two steps away.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes", she told and nodded. "Just tired. So tired, in fact, that I cannot even make heads or tails of these door numbers anymore", she laughed.

"Leaving last from the party?"

"It's the captain's duty", she said with a smile, her eyes closing almost automatically.

"You're exhausted", she heard him say. "Which room is yours?"

"4680, if I remember correctly."

"I think it might be few doors ahead", Chakotay said.

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you", she said. "For guiding me to the right direction once again."

"My pleasure", Chakotay said softly and took her hand.

They walked for a moment, passing few doors, until they finally found the door of her room.

"Want to come in for a nightcap?" she asked then.

"Love to", he said.

Kathryn opened the door and stepped in. The room illuminated as soon as she crossed the threshold. "Dim the lights", she said and the light level was cut down to half.

Chakotay looked around. The room was big, but on the other hand almost every room had to appear big after living seven years in quarters on Federation starship.

"Please help yourself", Kathryn said then and nodded towards the replicator.

"What do you want?"

"Hmm… blackcurrant juice, please. Hot."

"Unusual choice", Chakotay said with a smile.

Kathryn gave a laugh and sat on the couch. "We live unusual times."

"That we do."

Kathryn leaned against the backrest and kicked her shoes off. In a moment Chakotay joined her on the couch. She took a sip from her juice and enjoyed the moment. All the fuss was behind her; all the voices had quieted down. And here she was, in a strange room, without any obligations. They were not moving anymore, they were just here. The journey had ended.

_They_. She and Chakotay. It was good to be with him alone, even if it was for a moment. After the day of hullabaloo with so many new faces to remember, his presence brought some sense of familiarity into otherwise so bizarre moment in her life. In her mind she was still in the Delta Quadrant, but in reality she was here. At the moment the only thing she had left from the Delta Quadrant was him. And after a day full of formalities, she was finally able to let go. There was no need for keeping up appearances. She was able to be herself again.

"I'm going to Indiana tomorrow", she said then. "Can you believe it? Home; I'm going home, even though Voyager feels more like home to me."

"This all happened so quickly", he said.

"Yes it did", she agreed. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you going home?" she asked. "On Dorvan?"

"Not before court martial", he said. "So Sekaya is coming here. She left two days ago, so she is still on her way."

Kathryn looked at him and nodded. "Do you mind if I lie down?" she asked then. "My back is killing me."

"Go ahead."

"So", she said as she placed her head against the cushion. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I have lost my grasp of reality", Chakotay told and smiled faintly.

"Me too", Kathryn confessed with a whisper. "This is pretty unbelievable, isn't it?"

Chakotay nodded and took another sip of his tea.

"What are your plans?" she asked then. "After court martial, I mean."

"I don't know", he told truthfully. "Yours?"

"I don't know", she said. "And I don't even want to think about it right now."

"Neither do I."

Kathryn looked into his dark eyes and smiled. He was so dear to her, more than he must have realized. She had never really known how to tell him that, how to let him know what he meant for her, within the parameters of their relationship on Voyager. But even if many things had left unspoken, they were still there, and now in the quietness of the hotel room those unspoken feelings emerged from the dark corners of her heart.

"What?" he asked once realizing her looking at him.

"Nothing."

"You were obviously pondering."

"I was, a little", she told. "But I'm so tired that I don't even know if I am even awake anymore."

Her words put a faint smile on his handsome face and he nodded. Kathryn placed her cup on the floor, sighed and closed her eyes. "I think I am falling asleep any moment now", she whispered.

She heard him saying nothing in return, but she sensed him still near without any intention to leave. It didn't bother her. In fact, his presence was soothing, safe even. After the hectic day she needed some peace and with him she had it.

Suddenly she felt him leaning over and placing himself between her and the backrest of the couch. She opened her eyes, but made no move to resist him. He did not look her to search approval from her eyes, but if he had done so, he had seen no resistance. Kathryn wanted him close now. She wanted him to stay.

She felt him placing his arm around her and pushing her tighter against his body. He pressed his cheek against her neck, which made cold chills ran down her spine. She remembered this; this had happened to her before. And just by closing her eyes she was back on New Earth again. Kathryn felt like her heart was pressed under her chest. She had longed his closeness, even more than she had realized. And with her eyes closed she was able to relive that special night again, when she had listened him telling about the legend of angry warrior. During that night they had finally faced their feelings for the first time and they had ended up on her bed, making love twice, until finally resting comfortably against each other forgetting the rest of the galaxy and all things in it.

Kathryn took his hand, placed her fingers within his, and placed it under her cheek. His arm rested heavily around her, making her feel loved and protected. It felt good and most importantly, it made sense. Perhaps it had always made sense to her, but she had made the choice to ignore it. And now she regretted it.

Kathryn was amazed. She had genuinely believed that the past five years between New Earth and this very moment had already taken away all they had left behind, but now that they were here like this, it all came back to her. And it came back easily, like there had been no years between them at all. And she liked it, and she needed it. She didn't want to face Earth without him. But she would if she had to. But if given a choice, she would rather do it with him.

But suddenly an image of Seven regenerating in her alcove made guilt sting her heart like a needle of ice, and the serenity in her heart and mind was quickly replaced by unease. How could she have forgotten her? What was she doing?

Kathryn opened her eyes. She didn't want to say anything at all, but she knew she had to. "Why are you here?" she asked then.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked.

Kathryn took a deep breath until whispered the truth: "No."

He nuzzled her neck and searched more comfortable position against her. It was like an unspoken gesture of ownership; making himself home. But Kathryn was tormented by images of a young woman alone in Cargo Bay 2. She cared for that woman deeply, so why was she doing this?

"Shouldn't you be somewhere else?" she asked then even if she wanted to say nothing at all. But she couldn't steal from anyone. She was not that kind of person.

"No" he whispered. "I don't need to be anywhere but here."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Kathryn", he whispered in her ear. "Why do you think I was constantly running in your ready room and your quarters during the past days on orbit?"

She didn't say a word.

"I thought you knew those reasons of mine to be near you were just excuses."

"I made some excuses of my own too", she confessed quietly. "Because I knew the time was running out."

"Is it running out?"

"I don't know."

"I feel like you are leaving", he said then. "And I don't know what to make of it."

Kathryn closed her eyes to keep her tears away.

"I cannot let go of this", he told then. "I don't know how."

His words felt so good that it hurt. "Me neither", she confessed.

"Then don't let go."

"But haven't you?"

There was a brief moment of silence between them. "No", Chakotay finally whispered. "Last days have put many things in the right perspective for me. And for other people too."

"And?"

"And I hope I am able to avoid the age-old cliché and realize what I could have before it's gone."

Kathryn, whose eyes were still closed, smiled faintly.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked then.

"No", she told. "I don't."

"Good", he whispered. "Then I want to fall asleep like this."

Kathryn smiled, kissed his hand and allowed herself to enjoy the moment. Soon all she was able to sense was the warmth of him against her. And soon, when the first rays of light appeared on the morning sky, there were only sounds of breathing to be heard inside the room 4680 in Hotel San Francisco Imperial.


End file.
